souls

Two souls. Tiny souls. Sensitive souls. Happy souls. Precious souls.

Daily I am surrounded and showered with affection by two very special souls. I love them more than I can say. I know I talk about motherhood at least once a month, but since it is my full-time job I am limited to stories of my two silly co-workers. They are my partners in crime. They are better criminals than I am because they have a way of stealing your heart without you even knowing it. I am not that good. 

No one could've prepared me to feel what I do about my girls, my peanuts. I thought becoming a stay-at-home-mom was going to be awful. I figured I'd bolt back to the man the moment times got tough inside these caged walls. But I was wrong. Dead wrong. When I look at my girls, I see me. I see the good and the bad spilling out all over two little blank canvases. And so this gig, this being a full-time mom thing, is the most challenging position I have taken on yet. It has made me shape up and tighten some of my loose ends because I don't really want my children to end up just like me.

I want them to have pieces of me, but I want them to be better than me. It is a daily test that stares me straight in the face everyday when I look in the mirror. I have taken a silent pledge to do all I can to teach them to rise above where I am, hoping that I will also rise in the process. Fingers crossed. 

I am not the mom with a lesson planned for everyday. I roll with things as they come. Some days Mya is very interested in her letters so we study those. Other days we talk about shapes we see in the clouds outside. Some days we discuss life lessons as we cuddle on the couch. But everyday she learns. 

Just last night we talked about forgiveness and repentance. She had been "naughty" (as we put it) and didn't listen to Tim. He asked her politely to help us clean up the front room but instead she threw an enormous fit and ran to her room. The consequence: no movie before bed. I knew this was going to be bad. Mya may be a free spirit of sorts, but she is a creature of habit. She always watches ten minutes of something before bed so I knew she would be crazed with anger when she really understood the consequence. And I was right. She let us have it.

Instead of yelling back or throwing her into her room, I scooped her up into my arms and sat with her until she was calm enough to talk to. We talked about how we all felt. Sad being the general consensus. Sad for the consequence and sad because she wouldn't help. We talked about feeling sorry and asking for forgiveness. Stubborn as she is...this lesson took a lot longer than I expected. Finally she uttered the words to her dad and they hugged until everyone was smiling again. 

Mya is a sponge right now. Whatever you tell her, she believes. It is a dangerous but wonderful time. Of the course of this past year, I have learned that Mya is not as insane as I'd have her be. She is really sensitive and kind. There is something so innately good about her heart. I have learned that yelling is not the answer when it comes to her. She just balls up and cries in her room. Big alligator tears that break your heart. Yelling comes natural to me so I have learned to adjust my tone and talk to her on her level, which usually means I sit on my knees until they ache as I look into those golden- brown jewels she has for eyes. 

V is also at a critical stage right now. A fragile one if you will. She has learned to throw tantrums and boy, does she ever do it well. I am trying to figure her out at the moment. One minute she is happy as can be and the next she lies on the ground crying. Oh hormones...how you plague us women even at an early age. Since I don't really understand her triggers yet (well, I know one is Mya), I spend a lot of time holding and hugging my little chubbers. She rests her head on my shoulder and plays with my hair and we talk about stuff. I don't know what stuff...it's whatever comes to mind really since she doesn't understand me anyway. She just likes being talked to. And I am usually happy to oblige. 

Each day I gleam something new about parenting, especially motherhood. I understand a little more of the love God has for each of His children because it is the same love I feel for my girls. I ache when they do. I laugh when they laugh. I smile when they accomplish something new. 

I love my two sweet souls.