time

Time is fairly irrelevant at this point in my life. The days come and go without me even really noticing. I have been gone so long from the blog that I didn't recognize the new format on blogger. Does anyone actually use blogger anymore? I doubt it. I don't even think anyone but my dad checks my blog these days, but he has been begging for a post, so here is something. 

Does anyone really know what to say about 2020? I will probably look back at this year with wonder and awe because it has been so hard on the world and yet so incredibly good to our family, which is an interesting thing to contemplate. It's not as if the economy tanking didn't hit our home like it did for countless other homes. Tim took a pay cut, and I not only lost my job at the preschool but have been given less hours as an editor. However, I haven't looked at wealth as only related to money in years, and in doing so, I have felt very rich this year. 

On March 19th of this year, I sanitized all the toys and touchable items in my classroom for what I then thought was a bit of an overkill measure for something that would surely blow over quickly. I left my snacks and trinkets in a drawer in the classroom and walked away from the preschool expecting to see my coworkers again on Monday. I didn't see them again for 6 weeks. In fact, I didn't really see anyone except neighbors through windows for 6 weeks. My social world suddenly lost all its air, but my family world doubled in size. I spent countless hours working with my kids to accomplish school tasks and create new/different art projects to pass the would-be lonely hours. My children happily and willingly filled my social holes with every concert, play, circus, dance recital, etc. known to mankind. We grew incredibly close. 

Foolishly I believed 6 weeks would be the end of what still felt like an upside down world, but 6 weeks turned into 3 months, then 4 and now 7 months. We have not been 100% isolated as we were those first 6 weeks, but we are certainly still quarantined from much of the world. Our world largely consists of our home, our street, Zoom bookclub meetings, the occasional grocery store run or most recently, field trip Fridays. We have become the definition of home bodies. And it's mostly been amazing. Sure we have our days or moments (I say nearly everyday that yelling or name calling is not acceptable in the house), but in all honesty, our family is thriving. 

We read together (so far we've tackled The Little Prince, Stargirl, The Little Prince, and The Count of Monte Cristo), dine together, learn/teach together, play together, watch television together, sing to Taylor Swift's new album together, and say prayers together. It is the simplest of lives, but it is a preferable one. 

I made the decision to homeschool days before public school was to start. To no fault of our district, somehow it was leaked to the media that the health department was considering delaying the start of school. Many schools saw the news and closed their districts; ours did not, but the quick reversal of events made me rethink my ideas for school. You should know that virtual learning, in my opinion, is a joke and did not work for my kids. I have never been, nor will I ever be, an advocate of sitting my kids in front of a screen for hours a day. So the idea of a delayed and virtual start had me literally spinning. My stomach was in knots. The moment I decided for myself that I would homeschool, I immediately felt peace. I also felt a huge sense of urgency to then research the 1 million homeschool options that have become available since Covid. To put it directly, homeschool curriculum is a rabbit hole. It is not for the faint of heart. 

I came up with a plan, which mostly consisted of me writing my own curriculum based on Indiana's core standards, and I have been teaching my own thing every day for the last 7 weeks. It has been hard, exciting, fun, and tiring. I am normally so tired at night that I almost fall asleep typing on my computer. You cannot know how much effort I am putting in to this just so the kids are engaged and happy with our choice to stay home. The effort often feels unnoticed, but there are glimmers of light that shine through when the kids are smiling and laughing and saying things like, "We never do stuff like this at school."

Do they miss their school? Yes. Genevieve probably misses it the most, followed closely by Elle. Homeschool has actually been a huge blessing for Mya. She was already struggling on a personal level because a lack of friendship, so she has really grown at home. I see her happier and calmer. Do they miss their friends? Yes, but I have done my best to organize playdates with their closest friends. They see them usually once a week or at least every other weeks. Organizing playdates makes my head hurt, but I do it for them. Do they miss the world? Yes. Yesterday I stopped at a park and told the kids they could get out and play. Timmy responded enthusiastically, "For real life mom?! We can play and touch the park?! They haven't been allowed at parks since March, so it was a real treat to play on slides and teeter-totters. It's the little things I guess. 

We all miss the simplicity of going places without the stress of making sure everyone has a mask. Masks are not our favorite accessory, but we wear them because we believe in always doing our part, even if we don't really understand our part. We miss the easiness of going to museums and learning places. Everything seems to take so much more time and effort. We are patiently waiting for things to go somewhat back to normal--whatever that means. 

I think the thing we all miss the most is seeing people smile. I've taught my kids to "smize," or smile with their eyes. We miss it so much. Smiling will never feel brighter and happier than the day we can do so without a mask. 

I guess the thing I hope people are learning most during this strange year that has challenged every human in one way or another is that we need each other. We need to constantly look out and look up. We need to put our phones down more and be more present for the ones around us. So many people have lost someone or something because of Covid. Those things weigh heavy on our hearts. But we can do so much with what and who we still have. I hope we are taking advantage of that.