An answer

I have about a billion other "important" things to do right now, but what am I doing? I am here writing you. Whoever you are. Sometimes we have to set aside those "important" things such as laundry, dishes, naptime, etc. in order to write down the feelings of the heart. Too often, I don't. I continue with my day and by nightfall, I have forgotten what I wanted to jot down. So the other things will have to wait. You are more important today.

I had a very interesting chat with my best friend and personal role model last week right before the weekend. I have often thought that if something ever happened to me and Tim, I would want my friend and her husband to raise my children. Why? Because she is the type of mom I only dream of being. She and her husband have two beautiful girls who I know will be taught to be good, kind and loving people. She amazes me with how she tackles every challenge and opportunity with grace and humility.

Well, after exchanging pleasantries and sarcastic remarks like we normally do, our conversation quickly turned serious. We began discussing how "we were really doing" and how "we were really feeling." Two subjects so easily avoided because most people don't have the time or the energy to really listen to how someone might or might not be doing. We mostly talked about our families and the struggles each was facing. Some of the struggles were rather difficult, and we were left wondering "How are we supposed to raise good, upstanding, honest children in today's society?"

It seems like kids face much more these days than I or my parents ever did. Without going into all that they face because let's be honest, it is no secret that much has changed in the past 50 years, I worry as a mom how I will teach my kids to do the right thing. I worry how to teach them not to steal when I see people stealing all the time. Or how I will teach my kids to avoid pornography because it will warp their brains and desires. Or how I will teach my kids not to lie when most things we read or hear have some sort of lie wrapped into them. Or how I will teach my kids, especially my girls, to love their bodies and dress them appropriately. There are so many questions in my mind that I often feel uneasy about the future. Surprisingly, so does my fantastic friend. We both had the same questions and fears. I bet many of you do too.

We ended the phone call without answers. It left me thinking all weekend. Speaking only for myself, I believe being a parent is one of the scariest things to be. We are given the very important role of teaching these new little babes how to be good. It is hard in today's world, but as I have pondered the questions we brought up, I have found peace of mind and know that it is NOT impossible. Whether of my faith or not, I hope that what I have to say will help you find peace in your own home. I am no expert. In fact, if you have read my blog for the past three years, you know that I am far from being an expert, but I am a mom who really loves her daughters and wants them to feel safe in this very unsafe and uncertain world.

The reason I addressed my faith in the paragraph above is because the peace I finally found came from reading the Book of Mormon. And while I do not expect you to believe in or even read the Book of Mormon, I do hope you will stick with me through the end of this post. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have read the Book of Mormon and know that it is a true book. It is a book written by families for families. And again I say, if you have not read the book, that's okay, the teachings I am about to talk about are clear and simple.

I read today from a chapter in the middle of the Book of Mormon where the people were just entering a very serious war. On one side, the people known as the Nephites were fighting for their "homes, and their liberties, their wives and their children, and their all" and on the other side, the people known as the Lamanites were fighting with the intention "to destroy [the Nephites], or to subject them and bring them into bondage." It is your classic good versus evil war story; however, I believe we can learn a great deal from the leader of the Nephites, or the leader of the good people and how he prepared his people to enter the war.

To prepare his people for war, he did several things:
1. He thought he could defend his people by strategy
2. He gathered his people together
3. He placed spies around his camp
4. He gave his men a strong armor that shielded them from the swords of the enemy
5. He inspired his men with thoughts of their "lands, their liberty, yea, their freedom"
6. He reminded his men to pray

I want to quickly write a little about how I feel we can use similar techniques to guard the family:

1. He thought he could defend his people by strategy

    Why not have a strategy about how to confront the problems our children face? Why wait until a situation arises, decide now what you will do to help your child through that situation. Too often I think we, I, wait too long to solve a problem. Wouldn't it be easier to figure it out before it gets too difficult?

2. He gathered his people together

    We should gather together with our family. Fifty years ago, heck, twenty years ago, it was standard practice to eat dinner around an actual dinner table having actual conversations. Today, if all the family is actually home at dinnertime, it is not uncommon for the family to eat around a TV or if eating at the table to have cell phones also on the table. I would say, as I am always have to remind myself, eat at the table. Turn of the TV. Turn of the cell phones. Just for a few minutes. And talk about real things. School, friends, work, play, exercise, etc. The more kids feel they can talk to their parents, especially in the open, the easier it should be to discuss big concerns. Mya is not even three, so I haven't actually tested my theory, but I have read enough articles on the subject to believe that it must be somewhat true.

3. He placed spies around his camp

    You don't actually need physical spies guarding your house. That seems a bit outrageous and quite frankly, really weird, but you should be ever mindful of the dangers surrounding your kids. Those dangers will change as kids change, so never stop looking. For example, even though Mya is not three yet, she has learned a few bad habits when she is angry. She can say very mean things. Trying to figure out where she learned the phrases, I began to be more aware of what her kid shows were saying and have slowly filtered out the ones I don't think are appropriate. It is as easy as that.

4. He gave his men a strong armor that shielded them from the swords of the enemy

    No one wears armor today. But we should put an invisible shield or protection around our kids. Just like noted above, be aware of what your children are facing and then teach them. Talk about the choices they are facing and teach them what the choices will bring them. I do not think there is any better protection a parent can give his/her child than good teaching.  Along with that, I think I should mention that you should recognize how your child learns. If you are teaching and it seems like nothing is getting through, perhaps you should change your method.

5. He inspired his men with thoughts of their "lands, their liberty, yea, their freedom" 

    While it is okay and necessary to talk about the dangers in the world, wouldn't it be good to also inspire and motivate kids about the good things happening in the world today? We should help kids find areas where they can serve others. A good friend of mine has a six-year old who heard about a natural disaster and her with what she could do. My very talented friend helped her complete several art projects they could send to the suffering people. My friend did not dwell on the tragedy, she helped her daughter see what they could do in spite of the disaster. 

6. He reminded his men to pray

    This is one that I often have to remind myself to do. Sometimes, situations in life are out of our hands, but they are never out of his hands. He knows exactly how to help us when we need it. So pray. Or look up to a higher being. Teach your children to pray. 

My goodness, this is a long post. Hopefully you are still with me. To my friend who wondered what we could do, this is an answer for you. It is the best I could come up with right now. I do not feel that all is lost. I know that there are good people, especially good parents and good grandparents and uncles and aunts who are trying to raise these sweet little babes to be good people. I have amazing support in my own family.

(The information I found in the Book of Mormon is found in Alma 43. If you are not a member my faith or would like to obtain a copy of the Book of Mormon for yourself or for your family, please visit mormon.org. Or email me. I would be happy to answer any questions.)