Series Guest blogger-Ashley-That certain I don't know what

Plucking through stacks of old photographs is dreadfully agonizing.  When I moved two months ago I had to face my phobia, and reconcile with images of my younger self.  Let’s just say that I went through an awkward stage.  That stage may, or may not have lasted from age nine to twenty. For the majority of my life, I didn’t feel like my exterior matched my interior.  Inside I felt clever, bubbling over with creative ideas, and forever forming material to make people laugh and smile. Rather, my outward appearance felt gawky and homely.  I didn’t know how to love my large features; crooked teeth, uncontrollable frizzy hair, and a mountainous range of pimples.

For a woman to truly be comfortable in her own skin she should have a healthy confidence in herself, and an assurance that her opinions and thoughts have significant relevance.  Her own physicality is respected and admired in its current state, while accepting flaws.  She possesses the grit to say yes to what will enhance and improve her life, and unapologetically says a resounding no to whatever discourages her path.  I have uncovered these ideals in my own life.  It was a treacherous trek to conquer myself, honoring that I am enough, just as I am.

My personal renaissance transpired in Columbia, Missouri.  I attended Stephens College, a private women’s college.  There is something deliciously liberating about attending an institution designed for women.  As students we were liberated to concentrate on nothing but our studies.  Men weren’t a cause for distraction, so each woman felt free to participate and raise their voice in a forum that perhaps they normally wouldn’t.  I gained confidence in myself through my studies and social life.  I tried everything on for size, and participated in any activity available to me.  There wasn’t a concert, play, reading, or fashion show that I missed.  I was on the path to becoming the woman I had always wanted to be.

I learned to respect my body by educating myself about proper nutrition.  Learning to be a shrewd cook became a welcomed challenge.  My love for delectable food is unsurpassed.  My gourmet lunches and snacks are perennially the envy of my co-workers.  I realized that I deserve to be nourished with the best possible ingredients that I can find.  I was no longer satisfied with skipping meals or grabbing junk food.  I embraced eating what I loved most.  However, I never deny myself heaping helpings of gooey bread pudding, or crispy pistachio macarons. But, I am a stickler for passing on any treats that taste mediocre.

I also married my eating habits with physical exercise.  I quit my sedentary job and became a server so I could walk around, and be in the sunshine.  I took up bike riding, running, yoga, dance, and hiking.  There is nothing more cathartic than taking out my frustrations on the trail.  I push harder and propel myself forward.  I don’t believe in weighing myself.  Ever.  What’s the point?  I know when I look and feel good.  I don’t need a number to represent or diminish my personal satisfaction.

In conjunction with diet and exercise, I completely advocate becoming an expert in dressing for one’s body type.  Four years ago I started to research my body type, and what specific styles enhance my assets.  I discovered what my power colors were, and only purchased those colors that look best with my hair and skin tone.  Shopping became increasingly more fun because I figured out my personal dressing algorithm.  I knew what looked good on me, and followed what worked, not the trends.  Combining healthy habits with winning clothing, I felt gorgeous.  For the first time in my life, my exterior mimicked the way I felt on the inside.

The last slice of the ‘being comfortable in my own skin,’ pie is saying yes to what will improve life, and no to what muddles the path.  Early twenties Ashley would say yes to staying late on Friday night, at the office to finish a project.  Late twenties Ashley values her own time and relationships and says no.  “I can’t stay late due to another engagement.  However, I can come thirty minutes earlier on Monday.”  I realized somewhere around twenty-five that I can say no gracefully to stay true to me and my goals.

I am comfortable in my skin.  But staying fulfilled with oneself is a life long love affair.  I still have some hang ups, yes.  But I see progress because I have learned to embrace my larger than life, frizzy, red hair!  I know that my thoughts have value.  I’m no longer intimidated to share what’s on my mind.  And sometimes I have to say no to a fancy dinner.  In order to say yes to saving money for an industry class that will improve my skills.  As females we need to create time to cultivate ourselves into the best possible commodity.  I’ve discovered that when we show ourselves deference and respect, we teach others how we expect to be treated.  It is my hope that reeducation will germinate within us all, awakening those who surround us. 

Ashley is a wife, a new mom, an actress living in LA. I met her during our freshman year of high school in our least favorite class: Chem/Phys. She and I exchanged hand written notes between periods. Texting wasn't around back then. She has always inspired me to be more than I am. She has the unique ability of loving a person for who they are while ever so slightly nudging them forward. She will always be my best friend. I love her blog: The Infinite Madness