loving someone very different than you

I once wrote a post about loving someone just like you. I remember writing it with tears in my eyes as I expressed my struggles with raising Mya because she was and still is a lot like me. I was pondering this post as I shampooed my hair this mid-morning, and it occurred to me that it is equally as important if not more important to love someone that is very different than you. I don't know why it's taken me so long to follow up on my initial post. I guess we realize things little by little.

Just today, writers of the Chicago Tribune released the following statements: "Man, 27, killed in Austin shooting," "Man critically wounded in South Side shooting" and "Cold snap doesn't stop violence: 2 dead, at least 3 wounded." So much violence. So much hatred. So much misunderstanding. People are no longer trying to understand one another. I would bet that miscommunication and a lack of knowledge are at the deepest root of many conflicts our world faces today. If only we could see beyond the age difference, the educational background, the skin color, the sexual preference, the poverty level, the language barrier and the religious beliefs of someone else and see people for who they really are. Each one is a person. And probably an important person to at least one other person. He/she could be a mother or a father. A daughter. A son. A brother. A sister. A friend. An athlete. A blue-collar worker. A student. A newlywed. A colleague. A pen pal. You get the picture: we are all valued in someone's eyes.

In my twenty-eight short years, I have come to love so many people who are very different than me. I love a logical engineer, a hardworking single mom, an atheist, a list maker, a natural born mom, a person who struggles with short-term memory loss, a gay fashionisto (as he calls it), an organized actress, a perfectionist to the core, a farmer at heart, a successful business woman, a settled social worker. However I, myself, am not logical. I should be the definition for emotional. I am happily married with two little peanuts, but motherhood has not been a natural transition. I believe in God with all my heart. I despise lists and try to avoid writing them. I have a decent memory of recent years but am vague on my younger years. I am straight and have to lean on others for fashion sense. I am not organized (you should see my house). I used to be a perfectionist but now try to do the very best I can with what I have. I have not and do not wish to ever live on the farm unless there is a wrap around porch with a swing like in the movies. I am no longer a successful business woman since I live in my pajamas. And I am a vagabond through and through. I love to move and be new places. See...I am as different as can be from some of my closest friends and confidants. But I love them, and I know they love me.

While I did experience an instant "click" with some, it hasn't always been the easiest choice to love someone that doesn't look the way I do, eat the way I do, act the way I do or believe what I do. I've often had to jump over big hurdles to get to the other side.  However, overcoming the hurdles that limited my initial view into a friend's soul has helped me really see who he/she is and who he/she can become.

When mulling over this topic, I am reminded of a conversation I had with my brother nearly six months ago when he came in town to visit. We had just spent a few emotionally charged days in Chicago and Peoria and were headed to the St. Louis airport so he could catch his plane to Dallas. We began a rather heated discussion about our different beliefs on our three hour commute. As children, my brother and I were raised by the same parents who provided us with nearly the same education (more or less), but as adults we live very different lives. I am fairly conservative while he would be viewed as rather liberal. I am Mormon and my faith runs deep when it comes to doctrine. My brother is gay and trying to find a church that allows him to be himself while still reverencing Jesus. Believing what I do has been a large speedbump when understanding my brother, but because I adore him, I want to comprehend him and support who he is. In our discussion, we talked about the purpose of life and the reason for religion. I believe there is a purpose to life that helps us back to God. He thinks we are on the earth to become good people but is iffy in regards to an afterlife. I need a religion. I try to live by the commandments outlined by the church. He feels people's view on religion often restrict them from living the way they want. Stubborn as we both are, we would not budge on our views. By the time we finally reached the airport, we eventually understood each other and agreed to disagree. We are as opposite as two siblings can be in that aspect, but love has bridged our differences.

In the end, people are diverse. Most of the time you can't change them and they can't change you. But there is beauty in seeing beyond the differences. There are no limits with friendship when you can really see who a person can become and that you could help them in the process.