It seems like every pregnancy is defined by something, or in my case a few things. For some hormonally-charged reason, I tend to lean toward one or two particular foods, a certain item of clothing, a song, a sleeping position and an attitude. This pregnancy has been no different than my other two but the things I pine for are very different.
Food: Subway's Turkey Breast and Black Forest Ham sandwich on the Italian herbs bread (all veggies except pickles, and I always order extra oil and vinegar)
Treat: KitKat (I think I pick one up every other time I go to the store.)
Clothes: A clean (or semi-clean) pair of basketball shorts paired with a downeast t-shirt or an extra large pajama shirt
Song: Te Amo by Axel
Sleeping position: Left side with hand under head (allows me to breathe cool air from the window)
Attitude: Very irritable, especially lately
I am barely approaching the 34 week mark and I already feel ready to deliver. My back hurts like it has close to my other labor dates. I am tight and experiencing a multitude of braxton hicks nearly all day; I attribute this to carrying two large children on my sides. I reached my delivery weight of the other two peanuts two weeks ago so the extra weight I'm packing on the sides is really uncomfortable. And I am just so darn irritable. I don't sleep at night. I hardly sleep during my given nap time because I either have to use the restroom multiple times or struggle to find a comfortable position to relieve my back of the pain it constantly endures. So my body is ready.
I am afraid my brain is not. I finished washing all baby girl's clothes this afternoon and while I folded them and put them away, I began to feel anxiety again. My anxiety comes in spurts and it attacked in full force today. I know I will be surrounded by family and close friends when this baby girl comes rolling out--because I believe that's the only way she can reasonably come out--but what happens when they leave? How does one survive? My brain is already half-dead due to the pregnancy and my other two crazy peanuts so do I just put it in neutral and hope to survive the next how ever many years? These are my questions, and sadly I do not have the answers right now.
Oh heaven...I really want to be done with pregnancy (well, I think pregnancy wants to be done with me) but I am not sure I am ready for three. Any advice?
I don't know if I have advice, but maybe I can offer some perspective (as I myself am past my due date for baby #3, it was yesterday). I have never had family present (in the area) when I have given birth. I have two sisters who are severely disabled, they're 22 now, almost 23, and my dad runs a couple of businesses. They live in Maryland and I'm in Idaho, so my parents have never met my children until they were probably six months old, when they could fly me out to them. So, I've never had that help that I so desperately wish for each time a child joins our family.
ReplyDeleteNow, that was not to guilt you at all. I don't wish others were in the same boat, I'm actually very glad they are not. It can be very lonely not having your mother there to show you how to be a mother. The point is I did it and I will do it again with this baby. You've done this twice before, and you will do it again. You were meant to be a mother, even if you don't hardly ever feel that way. (I know that I rarely feel that way, but deep down I know it). It'll take some learning and some getting used to taking care of three, but you'll do it, and you will succeed, you were meant to and there will always be Heavenly help there to guide you along in that righteous pursuit. You will never really be alone.
I am not sure if I am of any help. But just take it one day at a time. It passes so quickly! And I have to remember to give myself a break and have a bad day every once in a while. Good luck my dear! You are doing great!
ReplyDeleteUgh, I feel for you. I hope that these last few weeks somehow fly.
ReplyDeletei didnt feel normal until 5wks ppd w/#3, but i"m sure the c-section had alot to do w/that. (i felt normal after 2 weeks w/ #2 & i dont remember w/#1. though #1 was a hard recovery too.) the stroller (so you can strap the kids in) and the baby bjorn (so you have free hands) will be your friend. after the baby is born, while your help is there, go on a date w/your hubby. even out to dinner for 1 hr w/o the baby. even though i walked soo slow, it gave me a glimpse of normal. for now, go swimming- i've heard it helps your back.
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