forget me not.

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It's been over a year since I learned of the flower named "forget me not." A lover of flowers, I often overlooked the tiny blue wonders and passed them off as simple "vase fillers." I no longer do so. I now search for them in every bouquet and flowerbed I pass. Just the sight of them makes me smile. 

I learned of their existence as I sat alone in a crowd of women listening to a leader of my church speak at a semi-annual conference. In his talk entitled "Forget Me Not," President Dieter F. Uchtdorf used the flower as a metaphor for things he wished people would never forget. The fifth and final point of his message: "Forget not that the Lord loves you" has remained ever present in my daily thoughts since that Saturday night.

Feeling much like this tiny flower--small and insignificant--I looked around at all the other women laughing and talking while I sat alone by choice. At the time of the conference, I felt as if my world was spinning out of control. More specifically, I felt it was spinning in a downward spiral and I was falling with it. Afraid of hitting rock bottom, I attended the conference in hopes I would find some peace for my troubled soul. As President Uchtdorf spoke, I experienced a small moment of relief. 

It had been months since I had felt the kind of peace that filled my heart in that moment. I had been struggling to find my way as a stay-at-home-mom and had found myself feeling resentful of my new life. I had been irritated with my children because they never seemed to do or say the things I wanted them to do/say. I had been silently frustrated with Tim because I didn't think he was doing all he could to understand my feelings. And I had been increasingly angry with God because I felt he was not listening to my prayers. I had dug myself an enormous dark pit and was stuck somewhere inside it. 

No matter what I did, I felt I could not pull myself up or out of my self-made hole. I'd have a good day and take a step in the right direction only to find myself taking two steps backwards the next day. The process exhausted my mind and heart. I felt forgotten and alone. I even came to a point where I considered giving up everything I had taken so much time to learn and understand. 

Thankfully, I didn't. 

That night as I listened to this esteemed man speak, a light flickered on again somewhere in my heart. In retrospect, the light was incredibly dim and small, but it was there.

That light is no longer dim. It may not be as bright as it once was, but it is shining more than I could've anticipated a year ago. I feel a sense of peace that I so earnestly longed for last year but couldn't seem to find. I am happy again. 

What I've learned in this incredibly important year of my life is that time is a fragile thing. I nearly turned my back on things I loved so dearly because things weren't going my way for a small period of time. At the time, each day seemed incredibly long so it seemed like things were never going to change. Looking back, the dark period of my life lasted only a handful of months. 

I have also learned that courage is essential if I want to consistently conquer the dark days. I don't want you to think I haven't experienced hard days since last September because that wouldn't be the case. I have. It would be impossible to become all we are to become without hard days; I truly believe it's what we do with the hard days that defines us. I just made a firm resolve to look up instead of looking down when I encountered a hard day. I can't tell you how many times I've had to force myself--often quite literally--to look up.

I am still looking up. I will always look up. 

To my friends who are currently sitting somewhere in their own dark pits, I hope you'll look up. Life may seem dim right now, but things can and do improve. I'm living proof. Be patient with yourself and the people around you. And don't forget that you are never forgotten. There is always someone--much greater than us all--that knows who you are and what you need.