on having three girls.

These girls adore their new little sister almost as much as I do. They constantly ask to hold and squeeze her but have yet to learn how soft and delicate little Elle is so most hugs end in tears. They are improving, but there are definite growing pains. We will be adjusting to each other for quite some time. 

I experienced my first day of being home alone with the girls on Friday and to put it bluntly--it wasn't pretty. I thought that I was prepared and that the girls had been transitioning beautifully, but I wrong. No one was ready to be left alone, especially me. At one point I closed the bathroom door on three crying girls and found myself hugging my frail body with tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt so alone. I felt so unqualified to tackle the task at hand. But I would not be defeated...I said a silent prayer and opened the door to my swollen-eyed children. I hugged each one for a good minute and offered my sincerest apologies and found Mya's sweet reply "It's okay mama" so comforting.

A few minutes and some cups of milk later we found ourselves smiling and cuddling on the couch. Mya and V were nestled into each arm and Elle sat sleeping on my lap. It was in that moment that I made a pact with my daughters--I admitted my inadequacies in the best kid terms and asked them to be patient with me as I learned how to be a mom of three. I promised them that if they would be patient with me that I would always try and love them the way I knew they should be loved. They just looked at me quizzically, but I have to believe our heart to heart moment meant just as much to them as it did to me. 

I love my girls. This change is difficult but I will not give up on myself or my girls.