validating the broken record

i just dropped my mom off at the milwaukee airport. she was with us for an entire week, and her help was not only wonderful but absolutely necessary. like my other peanuts, elle became increasingly fussy the day she celebrated her two week mark of life. i'm not sure if something is wrong with my milk or if God just wishes to teach me patience with each child, but life for my girls after the two week mark becomes rather difficult. they don't process my milk and their little bellies remain hard and bloated. it breaks my heart and my back.

tim and i have already begun the rhythmic bouncing motions we are all too familiar from prior fussy periods. every night is a guessing game of trial and error. sleep taunts us. it literally pokes fun at our drowsy eyes. so having my mom here was such a relief because she really picked up the pieces with mya and v. without words exchanged she just knew when to take the girls downstairs or outside so i could find some peace in the few minutes elle was calm. she also swept all the floors and washed all the dishes the entire week allowing me to lie down for a few minutes when the house was quiet.

she understands completely that part of my sanity is dependent on a clean house. shake your head if you will, but i cannot live in clutter--i become an absolute crazy woman if i see piles growing in darkened corners.

before she left she looked at me and said, "hon, i'm exhausted. i mean i am so tired. i am worried about you." prior to her comment i had felt like a broken record when i'd say, "how am i going to do this? i am so tired. this is so much harder than i expected." but looking at her and the bags under her eyes from just spending a week with my little family, i felt my fears/questions were validated. i knew she understood how i felt.

but she also understood something else. something greater. she understood as i secretly understand that i am capable of being a mother of three. the adjustment will be difficult, but we will be okay.

i know i wrote about this the other day, but i feel the need to note my feelings somewhere so that i will remember how i handled this new phase of life. if you have any thoughts or advice from your own experience, please share. i promise i'll listen.