finality

The finality of our move is really sinking in tonight. It makes my body ache all over. Someone emailed to ask me about our house and within minutes I felt walls building around my heart.

The same thing happened when we got close to moving from our dear old Provo home.

But for some reason, this time hurts more. I knew this would not be our home forever. In fact, I knew moving to Milwaukee that the chances were slim that we would stay more than a year. But then over the course of the year people from Tim's work began to tell us our odds were getting better and better and that we would most likely find ourselves in Milwaukee for at least one more year, if not permanently. I put my hope in those words. I shouldn't have.

I am not naive to the fact that people move all the time and that my situation isn't really all that unique, but I still feel like punching people who question why this would be hard for me. It is hard on me. I haven't even been married for six years and this will be our fifth move. Not only that, but I have either been trying to get pregnant, pregnant or nursing for almost the entire five years. We almost add a baby with each move (V before Illinois and Elle right after we moved here). I don't even really know who I am anymore so it has been hard to build relationships. I have had to make friends only to lose them a few months later. And if you don't recall, I am terrible at making friends. I'm just so damn awkward and pessimistic that I don't ever feel like opening up to someone until it's too late.

After nearly ten months here, we've made great friends. Not only have I met incredible women who have opened their hearts, homes and different book clubs/craft groups to me, Tim and I have also met several wonderful couples that we adore. One in particular. After searching for three long years after our best friends abruptly left us alone in Provo, we feel like we finally met a couple who could be our Midwest best friends. (No one could ever replace our Rusty and Whit.) Ugh. We left their house the Sunday before Tim found out his job was being cut and said to each other..."They are them." They are the type of people I can take creme brulee over to at 9pm and wish them a happy date night in and they are the type of people we can see ourselves barbequing with on the whim on those warm summer days. Tim keeps reminding me that they will still be those friends...just in a year or two. Oh I hope you aren't lying to me bun.

Aside from the people here, I love everything about the little world in which I live. I love this house. I have grown up in this house. Grown up A LOT. I came here out of touch with myself and with my role as a mom and found myself one rainy day in late August. I woke up, looked outside on the rain falling on my old knotty tree out back and heard my girls giggling in their bedroom. It brought me such joy that I knew right then and there that I had to shape up for them. I've been shaping up ever since. I feel like the walls of this house now hold so many precious memories that I am sad to leave behind. I do hope they will whisper them to families to come because man...they are good memories.

Wauwatosa, I will bring my family back to you. You and your old, overgrown trees have imprinted a place on my heart which will never fade away.