2017

I suppose you can say we jumped into 2017 with both feet. We dove right into the deep end actually. I guess when I really think hard about it, I never actually left the deep end, I just learned to stay afloat, but Tim and definitely jumped in with me when we turned the keys to our first home over to our Texas realtor.

For 2 months, I cleaned and prepared the house for showings, and then once we had a buyer, I began going through the piles and closets full of stuff. Day by day I decluttered. It was refreshing and exhausting. Day by day I prepared myself for December 28th--the day we'd say goodbye to the small town that had very much become our home. It never really felt real, not even when the movers began to box and load all of our belongings into the truck or when I saw the house just as empty as the day we moved in. It didn't feel real for the first 400 miles of the trip. It only started to feel real this morning when I looked outside and found myself staring at snow flurries and my heart sunk just a little knowing I had no friend to visit or place to take my kids to burn energy.

The first few months in a new place is always the hardest. And seeing as we are living in temporary housing for several weeks until we can close on our new house, I am certain we will be feeling growing pains for quite some time. We are, however, so grateful to have an independent home to live in as we wait; the thought of returning to a month-to-month apartment lease struck fear into my heart when we learned the sellers couldn't get out of the house until the middle of February. The kids can be loud without fear of waking the downstairs "giant," which is the nickname we gave our downstair's neighbor at the Texas apartment complex. She was awful. She made that particular summer extra difficult, and I am glad to not experience the same thing here. However, because we live across state lines, the girls will be enrolled in a Michigan school for 5ish weeks until we move to Indiana. I feel terrible making them switch again, but it's the only real option so we're trying to keep our chins up.

The moving insecurities are ever present right now, but I know they will slowly disappear with time. I've decided to use the word "take it slow" for my motto in 2017. Not only did we move to a new location, but so many things in my life are changing with this new year. There will be no more babies in my belly (which is still incredibly hard for me to wrap my head around). There will be no more newborns in our home. We are entering a new phase where we watch our babies grow. I even have the hope of helping out at the kids' schools one day. Or reentering the workforce full-time. Tim and I have already taken a few steps (thanks to the encouragement of some dear friends) to help strengthen a few areas of our relationship, and I hope that we will find more opportunities to date now that we won't be so attached to our babies. So much of me is anxious to see what the future will hold, but there is still a large part of me clinging to the past because it's what I know and what I am good at. I am good with babies--well, my babies that is. I'm not about to sign up for babysitting anytime soon. I am reasonably good at moving around the country in support of my husband's career so laying down roots is actually very intimidating for me. And I've been so good about knowing myself the past few years that not knowing the future me is crazy to think about.

But I'm going to take life slow. I'm going to kiss my babies' cheeks a million times before they outgrow their need for physical touch (Mya's already hitting that stage). I'm going to rock Timmy a little bit longer than needed before each nap because it's the only time I get to just be with him and watch his bright blue eyes roll stare straight up at me. I'm going to help Elle learn to read this year as we spend our afternoons together. I'm going to play soccer with Mya in the yard because I love to dribble around her quick feet and make her momentarily mad at me. I'm going to continue teaching Genevieve how to cook and bake. If it wasn't for her rebellious streak, I'd worry that she'd be married by 18 just so she could have babies and be in the kitchen. Haha. And I'm going to be patient with Birdie as she tries to communicate with me because even though she drives me batty with her incessant whines, I know it's just a passing phase. I'm going to take my life slowly, and I'm going to try and enjoy it along the way. I'm praying 2017 is good for us, and I'm really hoping by the end of next year I can be back in shallow waters, even if it's just for a moment.