playing favorites


Is it possible to not play favorites? Especially when it comes to your final child? And that child is the only boy? And that boy has the goofiest gap-tooth smile? And that gap-tooth smile immediately appears on his face every single time you walk in a room?

My immediate answer is no. No, it is not possible to not play favorites. Obviously if my girls were reading this they would squeal in that obnoxious high-pitched voice, "Mmmmmoooooooommmmmm! How can you say that? I thought I was your favorite. You always say that I am." And the whining would continue for hours (because that's just how girls are you know.)

And I would smily coyly and say, "Oh sweeties, you know you are all my favorites." But inside my little mama heart would be screaming, "But that boy over there has just captured my heart in ways I can't explain."

I am the worst mom ever. EVER! I can't believe I am admitting this out loud. Hopefully by the time any of the girls read this blog of mine, none of it will matter because they will all realize how much they mean to me, and I don't actually play favorites.

But for now, I am going to play a bit of favorites with this son of mine. Oh my goodness he is just the best--even when he's the worst--he's the best. Just now he was screaming like crazy, begging to go to bed in that way only babies can beg, and as I nursed him before bed he just looked up at me with those big, baby blue eyes and smiled out of the corner of his mouth while making sure the rest of his mouth never left his food source. ;)

He can be absolutely ridiculous with his tantrums. Sometimes when he throws tantrums I just giggle because I think, oh honey, you're going to have to do a lot better than that. I've seen it all. And that is just scratching the surface. Sometimes he even does the backwards worm crawl in disgust, and it's reminiscent of Mya, but I don't get annoyed in the slightest because I know it's just a phase--a frustrating one--but one that will end. Thank you Mya for teaching me that.

But aside from his behavior close to bedtime, he is an absolute delight in my life. Quite literally, he fills my life with sunshine and love, and I am forever grateful that he is mine. I love how he rests his head on my shoulder without coaxing; he just does it, and every time he does, it forces me to slow down and breath him in. He almost always smells of damp clothing because he is always drooling. I love how he bangs his dimpled hands on his high chair tray, demanding more food, even though he has already out eaten his sisters. I love how he crawls. His hands and feet are calloused from moving so quickly over the carpet. He's always trying to get away from me, knowing that I'll chase him. And when I catch him, he throws his head back in laughter just like his daddy.

Timmy is simply the best. He is the current favorite in the house, but not just by me--by everyone. Everyone is enamored by his sweet face and silly grin.

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"Be kind and considerate with your criticism... It's just as hard to write a bad book as it is to write a good book." Malcolm Cowley