As I've said before, I never really saw myself becoming a mother. But I thought that if I ever did become a mother, I'd probably be a really good one because a) I was a fantastic babysitter and kids loved me and b) I had excelled at most things with enough time and practice, so why not, right?


Wrong. No amount of babysitting can prepare you for motherhood. And there certainly aren't enough awards, trophies or "A" term papers that can prove you will be an excellent mother. No family life class really prepares you for the sleepless nights, nasty, green blowout diapers, endless whining, Target meltdowns, or difficult discussions you will face in a few short years. No one warns you about the heartache you'll feel as you birth your last child--your last divine creation. No one can really describe the worry and weight your heart carries as you send your kids to school alone or pick them up from a nasty scooter fall or wipe their tears when friendships end. And no one really knows the secret to getting kids to eat the dinner meals prepared. No one.

Motherhood is a lifelong learning curve. I used to think my creating period ended with Timmy. And I suppose the divine, life-creating aspect of it did, but I have learned I am never done creating. There are always lessons to prepare, crafts to concoct, and dinners/treats to be made. I am constantly building and making things around the house for my kids' enjoyment.

I have grown into motherhood. I realized early on that I wasn't really a fantastic mother. I never did--and still don't--have the same amount of patience or empathy as other women I see, and I used to beat myself up about that, but not anymore. I realize I have unique qualities tailored for my children and my children love me regardless of my faults or inadequacies.

I love being a mother. I could never be a babysitter again--my kids have wiped out any desire to watch other children, but I love being with my kids, even on their worst days, but especially on their best days. I'm grateful for a day to be celebrated and cherished. I have felt so loved today.

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