tomorrow

Tomorrow my third child goes to kindergarten. I feel more sentimental with each child--perhaps it is because I know all too soon I will be alone in the daytime, which years ago only seemed like a dream but now feels more like a fragmented nightmare.

My children are my world. They drive me crazy. We have dicey days. There are days we have to remove ourselves from a room just so we don't scream at each other. But the truth is, I rather like my children. They are my friends. Obviously they are my children, but they are very much my friends. They know me better than anyone else in the world, except Tim. They are very forgiving, and they are always encouraging. They fill my world with wonder and laughter.

And when they are gone, I miss them terribly. Of course, the house gets a lot cleaner. The laundry nearly always gets put away (which has been a rare occurrence this summer). I spend less money at the grocery store. I actually wash the floor instead of just sweeping it. And I get a few more naps.

But I'd trade it all in to watch my girls chasing each other at the beach or swimming in the lake or drawing me in chalk or cuddling me on the couch or making messes with me in the kitchen. I love how young I feel with my kids (obviously there are days I feel very old too). They give me a bit of leeway to act silly or childlike.

I will miss Elle. She has been my afternoon buddy for 2 solid years as the babies have napped and the girls have been off at school. With the exception of her incessant pestering during my "nap time," ("mom, can I have some goldfish? mom, the iPad isn't working? mom...mom...mom," etc.), she was the best little helper in the world. She and I made countless batches of cookies, read endless stacks of books, created hundreds of homemade crafts, took the dog on lots of walks around the cul-de-sac, and laughed at each other while doing chores.

I adore her button nose, her blue eyes, and the way she rests her hands on her hips whenever she has something really important to say, which is just about always. She is my girl, and I keep telling myself she'll always be my girl no matter how old she gets.

At least I hope so.