Stages

In a few short months, I sign Timmy up for 3-day a week preschool. Birdie will also attend the same preschool but 4 days a week, and I am already dumbfounded about what I will do with my free time. The obvious answer would be to work during the day to free up some of my evening/weekend stress, which is most likely what I will do, but there are also so many other things I'd like to do. I'd love to read to students at the elementary school, particularly the kids in my own children's classes. I've considered going back to school but don't feel particularly driven to get a different degree, so then I've begun researching how to qualify for an Indiana teaching license.

I remember when we moved from San Diego to Texas, I received a notice informing me that I needed to renew my Utah license. I laughed at the time, being big with child and living miles away from Utah, and thought it was dumb to continue renewing a license that would go unused for so many more years, but with just a flick of my fingers, those years have nearly passed, and it appears I am approaching a new stage of my life. But I just don't know what to do with it yet. I'm not entirely scared of the new stage; I know many moms that fear this day, but I don't. I just don't know which path to choose.

Thankfully, I still have time to decide. Yes, Timmy will be gone a few mornings a week, but it isn't all day everyday, and I won't have full days alone for a couple more years, but the wheels are turning.

Motherhood is a selfless job. I wear a million hats a day, none of them my own, and I don't even mind it. I have let motherhood seep into my veins, and it has become the core of who I am. I used to be ashamed to say that I was a stay at home mom, but I no longer am. I am proud of who I am and what I have accomplished in the walls of my many homes. I (obviously with the great help of Tim) have raised mostly happy humans who look outward and upward at life. They see people the way I see them, and for that I feel like I am succeeding everyday.

I suppose the only thing I am afraid of when it comes to approaching this new stage is realizing that I will lose a little of the selfless job. I will enter a world that puts me back on the game board, perhaps not in the center, but I will definitely have a spot and will making steps that may feel a little selfish because they will impact me, and in turn, my family. So it's a strange platform I'm teetering on, and I'm grateful that for now my heels are still firmly planted over the solid line of motherhood, even if my toes are off the edge.