leaving San Diego

It feels like this past week has been a blur. I've been trying to take the girls every place they love before we jump in the car on Friday morning and head for our new destination.

I don't want to sound like a broken record because I'm more of a scratched record that continuously returns to the same verse of that one sad song. You'd think it would be easier for me because we do it so often, but moving is never easy, especially when you leave places you learn to love. Although living in San Diego has felt like a year-long vacation, we have found our place here. We've left our stamp here. We've made a couple of dear friends. Moving is hard. Please allow me a few minutes to record some of the things I love about San Diego.

I am going to miss the cool air here. I am going to miss digging my toes in the warm sand. I am going to miss the watching the car lights race across the overpass near my house; California has beautiful arched overpasses. I am going to miss Singh at Golden Donut; she was my first friend here. I am going to miss seeing my family. My family means the world to me, and it's been a real treat for me to just pop over and visit or have my brother drive down for a weekend. I may miss seeing them most of all. I am going to miss our beautiful beluga whales at Sea World; they are mesmerizing. I am going to miss watching the girls dive into the warm pool water up the hill. I am going to miss In & Out, and although I understand there are a few locations in Texas, there is something about the fresh burger here. I am going to miss my walking/running routes near the ocean. I am going to miss my OB even though we've barely just met. I really liked him. I am going to miss Balboa Park and every other park available for my kids to feel like they are in the middle of a forest even though we live in the middle of a city. I going to miss the cheap Mexican food (maybe not what it does to my insides). And I am going to miss the sunsets over the water. San Diego is a beautiful place.

I am going to miss Ashley and our weekly visits; Ashley is my dearest friend here, and she knows it. I came here broken in pieces because I had just left the best group of girls I had ever had the honor of knowing in Milwaukee. I was down and angry. I felt a kinship to no one, until I met Ashley. She has given me countless hours of amazing conversations (in between helping children with whatever they might need), and she has helped me see certain things with a fresh pair of eyes. It has been a friendship that I will treasure, and I hope it is one that I can keep forever.

I have so many chores staring at me right now: pack me, clean me, throw me away. I'm exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. So I continue to sit here writing when I should be exerting the last bit of energy to finish things that must be done before the movers come to pack tomorrow. Tim and I have nearly packed all we'll need to survive for the next three-ish months in a two bedroom two bathroom apartment. Doesn't that sound awful? I'm dreading it. No really, it makes my skin itch and my heart palpitate a little bit faster. Ugh.

I am sad. I feel a perfect storm brewing inside of me, and I know the rain will eventually fall. It will fall and fall for days as it always does, but then the sun will shine it's golden face in the tiny corners of my life again as it too always does. I am grateful to do all this side by side with a man who sees past the stormy me and waits for the sunshine to again fill my eyes. He holds my hand and runs his fingers through my hair as he reminds me over and over again that things will be okay in time.