reality

It's been over two months since the miscarriage, and I am still putting pieces of my life back together. Physically, I am fine. I was fine a week or two after the D&C. Emotionally, it has been nothing short of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. When everything happened, V was still waking up one or two times a night and not napping well which meant I was always exhausted and run down. I found it hard to find my happy face to be a good mom during the day. I felt like I was constantly scowling or screaming. I knew something had to change when I went to help Mya out of bed one morning and she asked, "Mom, are you going to be nice to me today?" I felt awful. It was in that moment that I decided to call my doctor.

My doctor explained that I was probably experiencing some postpartum depression which apparently isn't uncommon after a miscarriage since you still technically deliver a baby. He told me he wanted me to come in and visit with him. I did. We talked about my options and decided the best route for me to full recovery. I have been doing what he told me to do for nearly two weeks, and things have been so much better. I don't feel as angry anymore. In fact, I hardly feel angry at all. I don't feel sad as often. Most of the time I feel happy. Patient even. It's been a blessing.

I thought I would write about this because I feel it's important to note that this experience has not been a picnic. It shook me at my very core, and I am still working out the kinks. That is my reality. Things like this don't ever really come with much of an explanation. Most times you are left with more questions than answers which can be very frustrating; however, it is possible to find answers if you are willing to put in the work. I have spent a lot of time pondering, reading, praying and talking with God. Our relationship is better now. He is slowly helping me find the answers I seek. I know he can do the same for you.