thoughts on a frosty, monday evening.

{i happen to love this picture tim got on christmas morning. tim knows me well.}

My mind has been busily snooping around the secret corners of my heart--the corners that only a couple of people ever get a glimpse of. While I consider myself an open book wearing my heart on my sleeve most of the time, I do have secrets. I have hidden hopes and guarded dreams that I rarely share with anyone.

With each passing new year, I find myself digging away and cleaning my classified corners. There are pieces of me I desperately want to be free of and there are pieces of me I wish would surface more often. This year as I have peered deep into those corners and considered who I've been, who I am and who I want to be, I've come to the conclusion that it is time to bring back a significant part of the old me.

While most people strive to rid themselves of bad habits or extra pounds around this time of year, I can't help but think that 2013 is begging me to release a piece of my personality that has been m.i.a. for quite some time now. This year, I want to bring back the part of me that used to focus on relationships. 

Not long ago I was the girl who would hand write my family and friends just to tell them how much they meant to me. I know I did because a little over a year ago my grandma sent me a large package with all of my notes and emails I had sent through the years. Sadly the date on the last letter was 2006. I can't tell you the last time I sent anything other than a Christmas or birthday card to anyone. This year I am going to write. I love to write. And why shouldn't I write the people I love most?

Along the same vein, I am going to reconnect with people this year. I am going to ask harder and deeper questions to provoke more inspiring conversation. Because of my current crazy situation, my conversations usually start and end with something like the following, "Yep, I'm okay. Just tired. Life's busy. The girls keep me busy." While this is true, how boring am I? There is so much more to me than just the daily humdrum and I am determined to talk about it with others.

For weeks I have considered how I might be able to wake this dead part of me when it occurred to me that I should just start close to home. I decided the relationship of utmost importance in my life is the one I share with Tim. To be very clear, I feel and always have felt that Tim and I have an excellent marriage, one of the best really. He understands me like none other, and I feel honored to have him by my side. However, like any relationship, there is always room for improvement. Over a week ago on our drive out of town, I decided to open up about the weakest area of our relationship. The conversation felt awkward and forced at the beginning but as it has continued over a period of days, I feel we are finally starting to understand what we want and need to do to improve what I would consider our biggest weakness. With any luck, our weakness will become a source of strength for us over this coming year.

I plan to do this slowly throughout the year in all my relationships, so if you know me personally and consider yourself a close friend of mine, be advised that you may receive a hand-written note or two from me in 2013 and you might have to tackle an intense conversation with me from time to time.

I am so excited to free this part of me. I don't know where she went or why. I can give a pretty good hypothesis as to why she left--you know...the whole three kids thing might have something to do with it, but I am determined to bring her back.

1 comment :

  1. Love the way you write.... I feel so similar. So many parts of me are lost and are longing to make a comeback. Love you J. Can't wait for my hand written letter. ;)


"Be kind and considerate with your criticism... It's just as hard to write a bad book as it is to write a good book." Malcolm Cowley