tantrums

lately, we've been dealing with a lot of tantrums over here. tantrums about anything and everything. so far, this is what i've learned about avoiding tantrums:

-never take an empty bowl away from a baby, especially if it once contained an oreo mcflurry

-never offer to read any other book than brown bear, brown bear, even if you've already read it more than ten times in an hour

-never try to put a diaper on a kicking toddler (you'll end up with a bruise under your eye)

-never talk to dad during his lunch hour because your complete attention should be directed to the people you've been playing with for the past four hours

-never wake mommy earlier than 5am, or she'll throw at least five tantrums a day

-never ask a five year old to hurry as they are repositioning their socks for the umpteenth time before slipping shoes onto their feet

-never take a lunch bag from a baby who has a firm grip on it, or she might bite you (literally)

and

-always gently lay your child on the wet grass at the school when she bites you

-always walk away quickly when your child refuses to do anything but scream at you

-always locate a quiet place to be alone, shake your head, and let a swear word slip, but always find a happy face before returning

-always text your husband in the middle of the day and tell him you are losing your mind

-always throw your phone when all he replies is "i'm sorry it's been hard"

-always say a prayer when you look at the clock expecting it to read 3:45, and it only reads 9:05

being a mom is all about navigating long, tough days. someone let a monster out of the closet in this house. i'm gaining ground on him. when i find him, i'll stuff him back where he belongs. tantrums are so lame. actually, they are the lamest. they make my brain ache. but hey, look at all i'm learning within these walls. who needs college when i've got kids?!