watching me

It's late. I'm tired. Blue is snoring on my right thigh. I guess our little run this afternoon tuckered him out; I guess he did sprint for half of it, dragging me behind like a ridiculous rag doll. I think he threw my back out. Or perhaps it was the half hour of dancing to Taylor Swift on the trampoline that did that. I'm not sure. My kids man...they sure know how to shake it off. I had to take 4 ibuprofen to minimize the headache I acquired from violently shaking my head back and forth at Elle's constant request, but it was worth it.

Today, I caught Elle watching me. In all honesty, I catch my kids watching me all the time, but today the moment stood out for some reason. I was rolling balls of cookie dough in my hand, adding extra chocolate chips to the lackluster balls, and I was humming a song out loud when I noticed Elle smiling at me. She didn't say anything to me; she just smiled. I'm going to pretend for a moment that she was cementing the memory of me doing my favorite mother chore (baking) into her brain, and I'm going to pretend that she was proud I was her mother. I guess I don't really have to pretend because the truth is, I know my girls love me.

I remember watching my mom as a child. She was so many things to me. She was a queen, a baker, a boo-boo healer, a dream catcher, a hair stylist, a seamstress, a teacher, a rockstar (my mom loved 80s music), a car racer, and an law maker. It seemed as if she had the ability to create anything from nothing, and oh how I loved to wake up to her newest creation. She made childhood magical and alive. Nothing seemed too far out of reach.

It has always been a dream of mine to be like my mother.

And today, Elle proved to me that I'm gaining ground on her. She looked at me the way I used to look at my mother, with all the wonder and excitement of just being able to watch her work. Thank goodness for the children that help us remember why we chose to be the mothers we are.

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"Be kind and considerate with your criticism... It's just as hard to write a bad book as it is to write a good book." Malcolm Cowley