late night insomnia

it's almost midnight. i'm going on two weeks of sleepless/restless nights. i have been suffering from the worst case of insomnia, which makes me really grouchy every single morning when my alarm buzzes at 5:30 to remind me to get out of bed and run the very dark streets of north texas. there are no lights on the street so early in the morning, and the sun doesn't start peeking it's head above the flat lands until i'm turning onto my street at the end of my run, and so i run terrified every single morning. no joke. i even bought new, reflective clothes to help me feel more safe, but i don't. i feel the same. i feel like a car is going to hit me at any given moment because facebook or instagram is much more important than my life. and perhaps it is to some terrible drivers, but i disagree completely. my life is very important to me and to at least five other human souls and one dog soul in this house. how in the world would blue survive without his mid-morning and mid-afternoon walk i ask myself? he'd die at the very thought. spoiled dog. it's my fault. i know, i know.

but really, this insomnia thing really is awful. right now i'm sitting with perfect posture (at least i have that going for me) at my kitchen table in nothing but my underwear, eating what is now a rather soggy bowl of frosted flakes--my late night drug of choice. frosted flakes have always been with me on my worst insomnia periods. obviously, i'd opt for the cupcake inside my fridge or a delicious plate of homemade nachos, but let's be real, i have to run in the morning, and it's hard to run with frosting or cheese plastered to my thighs. so tony the tiger and me make a great pair during these late night dates. plus, his calories wear off by the time i actually fall asleep, if that ever actually happens.

this week has been so strange. mya has been home sick with what i learned tonight is a horrible version of strep throat. the doctor was a little mortified that i let her lie around the house for two straight days with a very high fever without taking her in somewhere. but you know how it is...you think it is just some weak cold that will pass with some rest and some water, but then it turns out that the moment the doctor looks in your daughter's throat, you suddenly look like you belong behind bars due to negligent parenting. ugh. i felt terrible. the doctor even made me look through her little microscope tool at mya's throat so i could witness the horror inside her mouth, near her tonsils and into the pit of darkness. mya's strep is so bad that she broke out with scarlet fever all over her chest and face. her eyes are swollen. she has broken blood vessels all over the place. and here i thought rest and lots of cuddles would cure her. i wish they had because she's received a lot over the past two days. at least i have that going for me, right? i cuddled her as much as one mama bear could cuddle her hot baby cub.

i really need to go to bed. but i know i'm going to go back to my bedroom and slip between the worn jersey sheets, only to find tim in some dream, breathing deeply and calmly, and then i'll want to hit him in the face because that is just about the most irritating thing when i can't sleep. gosh, husbands. seriously. ;) so wish me luck. or rather, wish tim luck because it probably wouldn't be good if i clocked him before a long day at work tomorrow, but at least he'd suffer from insomnia for a little while just like me, right? i always tell him i want him to experience all that i do so he can understand me. so maybe, this is the trick. or maybe not. wish us luck. ;)

and p.s. eliza...because i know you're reading this during one of your nursing sessions, wisconsin should've been on the list. it should've been. you are always at the top of my list, even if months pass without a word because life just does that to us.