The thing about postpartum hormones is that they're generally all over the map, ranging from elation to frustration to sadness to peace, and so on. This cyclical series of emotions is enough to make any one person go insane, especially when most of the feelings cannot be explained or described. And men for the most part--no matter how understanding they may try to be--are usually left aloof as to what to do.
Generally my postpartum hormones err on the side of frustration and irritation no matter what I do. However, this morning my heart is heavy with tender feelings of gratitude for the family I was born into and the family I married into. Since my rib fracture, we have had a steady stream of visitors helping me get stronger and taking special care of the girls. Last week Cathy came to help us all get adjusted to being a 5-kid family. She gave me the gift of time as she let me spend many afternoons cuddling Timmy. I worry his life will pass so quickly that I relished my quiet afternoons with him.
She left this morning. She is our last planned visitor/helper. My heart jumped into my throat as I watched her drive away. I mean--I knew she had to go, but for some reason the reality of being alone with 5 kids hit me hard today. I have prayed hard for extra patience and love in preparation for this moment, and a small part of me actually believes I can do this, but my hormones are getting the better part of me, and they are making me feel inadequate, or as if I can't do it alone.
But I must. And I can. I have to believe in myself. I can do this today, tomorrow and forever.