A post of random thoughts of life lately:
Tonight I folded and packed away all of Timmy's newborn clothes. I've been squeezing him into his pajamas and onsies for the past week because I've dreaded this moment; for some reason, it came so much faster than it did with the girls. He's hit a growth spurt and is packing on the weight as quickly as some gain the freshman 15. I'm trying hard not to be sentimental about the whole thing, but that's like telling me to refrain from eating a chocolate caramel bar when it's sitting on the counter in front of me--impossible.
Sometimes late at night after I've finished nursing, I sit with Timmy resting his head on my bare chest and I squeeze him tight as I nuzzle my nose into the fuzzy hair behind his ears. He gently snorts into my skin while I breathe him in, wishing the sky would stay dark longer.
Birdie has decided that she needs to be held 100% of the time when I am not holding Timmy; thankfully, she doesn't put up too much of a fight when I am holding him. She usually rests her small body between my legs and lays her head on one of my knees and waits for me to run my fingers through her thick blonde hair. Whenever I stop, she peers up at me, nudging me to continue just a little longer. I oblige, and she smiles, and I live for that smile. She started saying "mama" more too. She has been my slowest to talk; she never babbled and rarely cooed so I am so happy to hear her little voice breaking the airwaves. She walks around behind me with her arms stretched out wide chanting "mama up, mama up" until I turn and scoop up her into my arms. Sometimes she has to wait for me to put Timmy down, and I've been amazed at her ability to wait. She doesn't really scream at me, rather she taps the back of my legs to remind me of her constant presence.
While I'm on the subject of patience, I feel the need to express how impressed I've been with all the girls and their ability to be patient with Timmy (read: not with me, but with him). No matter how loud or frantic his cries may be, I find them by his side whispering "shhh, shhh" into his ears. V holds him so gently and rocks him back and forth until he stops crying, which can be quite awhile. I often recruit her when I'm trying to finish a chore and need someone to pick him up because I know she will last the longest. She may last the longest with him, but all the girls have been outstanding with him. I don't know how I did it, especially because I struggle with patience, but I raised very patient nurturing girls.
Mya and Genevieve finished school for the year, which means I will officially have a second grader and kindergartner on my hands at the close of summer. Whenever I'd ask Mya about her feelings for summer, she'd tear up and say, "I'm really sad mom. I love Mrs. Roddy (her teacher), and I wish I could be with her forever." I haven't been overly impressed with Mya's school, but Mrs. Roddy exceeded all of my expectations for a teacher. She challenged Mya each day, and she treated her with so much respect and kindness. I feel so much gratitude for how much she helped Mya grow this year.
Elle has mastered all her letters by sight and sound, which was quite a feat for us considering we were trying to squeeze in the final few letters right before Timmy was born. I am so proud of her. She wants to be just like her big sisters, and it makes me laugh that Tim and I consider her, Mya and V "the older girls" and Timmy and Birdie "the babies" because Elle still seems so small much of the time. I mean--she calls pancakes "panacakes," and today she insisted that the word "guitar" was actually pronounced "retar," and I just laughed because that's what you do when you debate with a 3 year old. (And thank you Genevieve for teaching Elle that "re" goes in front of every word.) And do you know what else I love about Elle right now is how quick she is to hold my hand anywhere we are. She reaches up for my hand and squeezes it tight as she flashes me her big, goofy smile.
What I'm getting at with all these random and ill-formed paragraphs is that amid our chaos, there is so much good happening around here. I'm not going to lie--I'm a total mess right now, bouncing between happiness and sadness ever few minutes, but the kids have been really great with me (for the most part) the past two weeks. They don't understand my brain or my hormones (nor do I), but they just try to do what they can to make life a little easier.
In her element. She is going to be an engineer or architect of some sort.
He's starting to enjoy the bath.
I know it's blurry, but that smile is to die for.
I walked into the living room and found her calming Timmy with a rousing version of "Hail to the Victors." She's her father's pride and joy right now.
Mya is really mastering her makeup skills, and she teaches me a few tricks here and there. I love this girl.