Feeling off.

I've felt off for a little over a week now. My brain and heart aren't really connecting, and I really hate when that happens. My kids were so excited for Valentine's Day; they started addressing their cards over a week ago. They jumped out of the van this morning, and with the exception of Elle getting her finger slammed in the door, they were all smiles and shining eyes as they walked into school. I envied their enthusiasm and hoped it would seep into my skin.

It normally does, but it didn't this time. I drove away from the school feeling a sense of loneliness that  I couldn't really place. I'm not lonely. I have a good friend here who I see frequently enough and who helps me feel seen and heard outside the walls of my home, so I'm not really lonely on the friend side. My children, particularly my babies, love me a lot--sometimes too much. I can hardly jump in the shower or go to the bathroom alone, so I know I'm not lonely at home. And Tim is just about the perfect companion for me that I don't really understand the feeling. 

So I've just let the feeling linger, not knowing what else to do about it, but it has made me feel a bit sad and disconnected from everyone, even myself. 

Perhaps it's the winter fog that continues to permeate the air.

I don't really know. 

All I know is I feel sad right now, and it's taking everything in me to get outside myself, and yet I continue to do it because that's all I know how to do, even when everything inside me wants to go to sleep. 

This will pass. It always does. But I hope it doesn't wait for spring to come because that still feels like an eternity away.