I could sing a thousand songs in honor of Timmy.

There's are a few lines in a song in the Broadway musical Hamilton that I adore. (Okay, I love the whole musical a little too much...just ask my kids. It's my cleaning music.) The song is called Dear Theodosia. I sing the lines in my head at least once a day with Timmy. I'm determined to get Timmy to memorize the whole musical before he's school age; we'll see I guess.

The lyrics are (with some obvious name changes): "Oh Timmy, when you smile I am undone/ My son/ Look at my son/ Pride is not the word I'm looking for/ There is so much more inside me now/ Oh Timmy, you outshine the morning sun/ My son/ When you smile, I fall apart/ And I thought I was so smart/...I'll be around for you/ I'll do whatever it takes/ I'll make a million mistakes/ I'll make the world safe and sound for you."

I don't think I can say anything more than Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote for this beautiful number. Today passed by in a blink. My buddy woke me up just before 5, whispering, "Mama, it my birday. Mama, get up." I grabbed his body and wrapped him into me and said, "Timmy, it's too early. Let's snuggle." We attempted to snuggle for an hour and failed the whole time. He just wanted to hold my face or my hand, and he kept kissing my cheek. My tired body barely moved, but my heart certainly did.

I will allow every moment of closeness I can get out of any of my children these days; I know the days are dwindling, and I ache all over because of it. I love my older kids. I love talking to them about deeper subjects and exploring new concepts with them. I love that we can talk about anything and feel like mother/daughter but also like friends. But each year they grow, they also grow away from me, which is only normal and natural, but the physical closeness grows thinner with each passing year, so I will hold on to every moment of physical touch I get.

Timmy, you are my angel boy. I could never have imagined how much I would need and love a boy. I loved my girls so completely before him. They made so much sense to me. And although there is so much to learn with Timmy, I also feel like I have always loved him completely, and I'm grateful for him.



 (He had just heard a train.)






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