gone in half a day.

A house in my neighborhood was demolished today. Yesterday I noticed large construction equipment parked outside, and I wondered why such equipment would be needed, knowing the property didn't have any large trees to remove. The equipment remained untouched when I drove to work this morning, but when I came home around 2:30pm, the house was gone, and the equipment was being loaded up on trailers to go to another location. I couldn't believe it. Thirty-ish years of memories and stories gone in half a day.

I've been thinking about that now vacant lot all afternoon.

What if our lives are like that house? What if we don't write things down and things are erased in a proverbial afternoon?

My heart has often ached at the fact that I used to be such a good recorder of memories and thoughts. I cherish those written records. I have so few from the last four years that I often fear I will forget these years completely. I need to do better.

I suppose I should catch you up for a minute on life, seeing as it's been awhile. I started working as an assistant preschool teacher this year. It was sorta last minute, and it's filled up my days more than I'd wished, but I actually like being with the kids at school. I just miss being with my own kids. You have to remember that I have been with Timmy nearly all day everyday of his life until now, and being away from him for 5 hours a day/4 days a week makes me miss him so much. I miss the way he smiles at me and the way he runs, pumping his arms beside him. I live for 1:45 when I can run to childcare and pick him up to go home. I don't know that this will be a permanent job for me, but I am enjoying the job quite a bit. I just don't like that it makes the rest of my day so compact. I am scheduled down to the minute, and those unknown variables (such as bad weather, broken bike chain, missing volleyball shoes, missing shin guard, difficult homework assignments) really make me anxious.

Yesterday I was writing out my schedule for my dad who is coming to watch my kids soon so I can go to Argentina with Tim, and I had this panic attack that grew with each bullet point I wrote out. How do I live my life?! It's honestly not that my kids are in a million things--I just have so many doing different things on different days that it can be a scheduling nightmare. I miss Tim so much, and I see him everyday. It's just that we see each other in passing or as we literally pass out at the end of the night.

The kids see the chaos, but the chaos doesn't seem to affect them the way it does me (thankfully, although I do wish they'd pick up their shoes or do their chores more efficiently so the house didn't get so wrecked). Mya is in 5th grade now. She is doing a map project that I just love. I have really enjoyed finding the different capes, rivers, mountain ranges, etc. This type of school is my jam. She decided to try out for school volleyball, and it's been a bit of a nightmare, but she loves it and I'm trying to keep an open mind about it, but it is just one more thing. V is in 3rd grade. She's as stubborn as hell--I don't know where she gets it from--but she is impossible when it comes to preparing for spelling test. I know she intentionally writes words incorrectly, but she swears she doesn't. Give me patience!! Elle is in 1st grade, and she is loving it. She is still the only kid who comes home and gives me a minute to minute play by play of the whole day. Sometimes I wonder how she can talk so much, but the girl can talk. Birdie is in PK. I'm her teacher, and it can be hard to be together in a school setting, but we're navigating it. Timmy is in his first year of preschool and basically has to be told not to lie on the floor all day or not to lick the table after snack time--winning!

We do have a foreign exchange student living with us this year. Her name is Emilie Cecilie. She's from Denmark. I need to do a separate post about why we chose to host an exchange student, but for the most part it has been a really great experience. I think the hardest thing for me is that we are going from 10 years old to 16 years old with no knowledge of the in between. Sixteen year old girls are very different from when I was 16, and yet so very much the same. Technology is just the death of this generation. Their weird obsession of snap chatting portions of their faces is still beyond me. I keep challenging Emilie to actually call a person and speak to them in real time. We're two months in and she still hasn't accepted my challenge. Haha. But we love her. We hate how many avocados she eats (hahaha...sorta), but we love her.

And that's it I think. Wish me luck. I have to wake up and finish all the preparations for Elle's Taylor Swift birthday party tomorrow, and it's after midnight so I'm exhausted.