Was I favored as a child?

My opinion widely differs from my that of my siblings. Looking back at my life, I do think my parents were good to me. They gave me the opportunity to develop a very unique talent--that i happened to love a lot--from a very early age. Sadly, that talent cost a lot of money. To this day I am not sure how much money my parents dumped into my ice skating career, but I am so thankful for every penny thrown my way.

Ice skating was my sacred place. It still is. If I didn't have three kids and if I had a pair of boots that fit my current shoe size, I'd be at the rink weekly. I love the feel, smell and sound of the ice. There are very few places where I can really lose myself and be free.

I think my parents recognized my genuine love for the sport and perhaps hoped I'd actually go somewhere with it so they kept paying for private ice time, special coaches and spendy competitions. And I did get pretty good. I had real potential. But life had a different plan for me, and I had to find a new hobby early in my teenage years.

But all the money and time my parents gave to me and my sport really strained the relationship I had with my siblings. They were not given the same time or money. And so, they always thought I was favored in that way. In that aspect, I agree. I don't always agree with the arguments they throw at me when we joke around about the past and I keep mum during the conversations but inside I know my parents did what they could for each of us whether it had to do with money, time or affection.

I've been thinking about favoritism a lot lately. Mya has been extra sensitive about my relationship with V. She has said on occasion, "You have more pictures of her than me" and "You love her more than you love me." Neither statement is at all correct, but I can see why her four-year-old mind worries.

V still loves to be held. She craves it. And if I am not holding Elle, I generally give in to her "up...up" requests. Truthfully, I am trying to hold on to the last bit of baby V has inside her. She is already asserting so much independence that I know she will be too big for her mama soon. Perhaps I've assumed too quickly that Mya doesn't need me as much anymore. I have always tried to give her the room I thought she needed to grow, but maybe she needs me more than I think.

Mya gets very little alone time with me. Our time is always being divided between the babies. I can't tell you how many conversations I put on hold...never to return to...because a baby is crying. She is so very patient with me. Strengthening my relationship with my Mya is my biggest goal this year. I want her to know how important she is to me, and I have thoughtfully tried to plan free moments where we can talk or cuddle or hug or whisper or laugh together without any babies around. I think she recognizes my effort, but I think she wants more. She constantly seeks for my approval and affection, and I know I have more to give.

I don't want to play favorites with my kids. I love each of them for different reasons. Mya is so witty and honest that her words just astound me. She also gives the best cuddles. V is so kind and nuturing. She wants to make everyone happy, and I love the way she squeezes me tight every morning. And baby Elle...well, she is just developing, but I already love the way she observes and smiles. She is a happy soul just waiting to break out of the infant stage.

Just as I don't play favorites with the girls, I don't think they play favorites with me and Tim. They love both of us equally and differently. They don't go to either parent more or less. They call for both of us when sad or hurt. They ask both of us to cuddle them before bed. And they look at us both with an incredible amount of love. Tim and I talk about this all the time because it would literally drive us nuts if one of our girls did happen to favor me or him more. And I mean...really nuts.

Were you favored as a child? Are you still favored? 


  1. My parents DEFINITELY played favourites, but in different ways. I feel like my folks labeled me as the "smart" one, as my brother was dyslexic and not great at school at all. Because they didn't have a ton of money, they could only set up one college fund - for ME, their youngest. They also paid for piano lessons and such, so financially, I got the best deal. BUT, emotionally, I think they favoured my brother. Because he wasn't the "bright one," they constantly praised him for little things, complimented him on his good looks, took hundreds of photos of him, and I didn't feel I got too much of that on my end. It has definitely affected my relationship with my parents, AND my relationship with my brother. I think it's hard to NOT favour one child over another at various times (when one is acting like a chimpanzee and the other one is good as gold), but I do think it's important to make sure your children know how much you're TRYING to treat them equally, something I know I'll be focused on as my girlies get older. x

  2. this has been the hardest thing about having 3 kids for me- giving all of them time. its hard bcuz christopher is gone so much. recently i've tried to make saturday & sunday nap time his time with me. I think its helping.


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