{i snapped this picture in arizona. v got away from my grandma and she was trying to catch her. i honestly can't remember the last time i had seen my grandma run prior to this day, and it made me laugh out loud. it still does.}

I should have a billion things to say with the way my mind has been racing over the past week, but the truth is I don't. I can't get my mind off our impending move, which is completely ridiculous since we don't even know where/when we are moving. Nonetheless, the idea consumes me.

I check multiple sites daily to compare the cost of living in the different areas available to us, to look for affordable housing and to find some sort of hope in the future of us. At the moment, the hope seems small. It is there, but it is small. I keep hoping for a miracle but am certain the miracle I desire is not going to happen. So I will continue to waste countless minutes searching for the keys to our future.

Aside from my melodramatic behavior (I know I am completely craaaazy), things around here are buzzing. All I hear about these days are sighs of disgust for the weather, and while I don't totally disagree (is spring here already?)...I also want the days to slow down. Each passing day means we are one day closer to the day I turn in my keys to this beautiful house and drive away in a stuffed vehicle. So while I wish for greener and warmer days, I am soaking in the time we have with the melting snow and large mud puddles.

My girls are sick. I am up to my nose in green boogers and watery eyes. As a child, I lived for sick days. My mom would stick me on the couch with at least five blankets and a glass of gatorade, and I would watch hours upon hours of daytime television. I enjoyed every second. As a parent, I loathe sick days. I'd rather replace Tim at his job than stay home and listen to incessant whining and crying. No one ever seems to make sense on sick days. All I get out of any conversation is "It was Genevieve" or "No mya." If I ask them what hurts, they tell me that everything hurts--even the three week old scar on a knee or thumb. Sick days are the worst.

As for the brighter things in my life...well, there are some good things happening over here too. It's not all as bleak as the gray snow and puffy eyes would have you believe. 1. I gave my two week notice for babysitting. Babysitting has been a really good thing for me. It taught me a lot about myself, but it is time to be done. I need to eliminate all the stress I can from my already too-full plate. 2. I also spotted the two baby owls perched high in our pine tree. I always seemed to miss them, but I've seen them multiple times in the last week and just the sight of them makes me believe in spring. 3. Even with all my failed attempts at being an outstanding mom, my girls still seem to like me. I've been really stressed with everything (so much so that the acne on my face makes me look like I am back in high school) that I have been yelling a little more at inconsequential things. I'm working on this one. 4. I am running an 8 minute mile without wincing at every step. It's taken me three months to reach this goal, but I made it and feel great. I am under my pre-pregnancy weight and finally fit into all my clothes even though some of them fit a little differently since my body has changed significantly. 5. I am finally becoming more regular with my prayers. I was doing so good there before Elle was born. Her birth and subsequent months of no sleep really took a toll on my prayers. But things are good now. I feel my relationship with Diety is finally on the mend and looking up again.

And the final thing that has really made me smile the past few days is the fact that I go to bed smelling of Johnson and Johnson baby soap every night. I've been trying to get Elle on a bedtime routine and am trying the bath thing that everyone raves about. It seems to be working (thanks Lori!) and I am really enjoying this youthful scent on my skin.

I hope your week is looking brighter and brighter. It's supposed to be 41 degrees tomorrow, and you know what...that's walking outside weather.

1 comment :

  1. I have been wondering how your sleep training has been going. It is not easy and certainly a process but I'm glad that you are seeing results. I'm sorry about your move. I understand that frustration pretty well at this point. I hate leaving but hopefully you can find a place that you love just as much. I always think of The Sound of Music when she says God closes a door, somehow he opens a window...or something like that.


"Be kind and considerate with your criticism... It's just as hard to write a bad book as it is to write a good book." Malcolm Cowley