on nursing

I've never nursed past four months. Due to my hectic work schedule in the past and my inability to pump regularly, my milk dried up with both girls right around the four month mark. I remember the day I knew V no longer desired my milk. She looked at me with the blankest stare and refused to suck, and I just cried and cried. 

I had thought that maybe it would be different with her because I was only working part-time, but I was still as stressed as ever with work, Tim's graduation and our impending move. I suppose it was inevitable. But that day made me ache all over. I remember praying that night begging God to help me sustain my daughter's life with my own milk and receiving the overwhelming feeling that my nursing days were over. I sat in bed and thought about all the women throughout time who couldn't run to the nearest grocery store and buy a can of formula. Did none of them dry up? Oh it was so frustrating. But then another, more quiet answer, resounded in my head..."At least you can get formula and your baby isn't starving." I didn't ask anymore questions. V was formula fed from that moment on. Mya and V survived their first years on formula. They are as happy and healthy now as I think they would've been even if I would've been able to nurse for a full year.

Things have been different with Elle. I am not working and therefore have been able to nurse her every three hours since day one. She has not tasted one ounce of formula. Every time I see the rolls on her legs or her chubby cheeks I think "That's all me. I did that." We did start integrating some vegetables into her daily diet, but for the most part I am the giver of her soft belly and rolly legs. Just knowing that makes me happy every. single. night.

We are entering uncharted territory because now she is so squirmy that even covering myself with my little nursing smock seems pointless. She just flails her tiny arms all over the place taking the smock with them. We are also approaching the teeth stage. I've got to admit...teeth scare me to death. I don't know what I'd do if she ever bit me. She better not. That's all I've got to say about that.

Nursing is such a blessing. It really is. I love spending those ten quiet minutes with her every three hours. I just run my fingers through her fuzzy hair and she stares up at me with her baby blues and I'm smitten time and time again. I should also note that I am so grateful to live in this modern age where formula is available if I need it.

If you have any tips for me regarding how to deal with teeth or how to stay better covered, well...your comments are welcome.