life lately.

I swear I am going to look back at these rotational years and laugh at all our fond memories, but it is hard to muster up any laughter while I'm in the thick of it. I do good most days. I keep it all together for myself and my family and for everyone else around me, but then my spirit sinks when the girls are asleep and I find myself methodically wiping counters and floors.

I'm sad tonight. I keep watching the cursor blink on and off and feel a lack of motivation to do anything I need to do. This has never happened before in our other moves. In the past, I began packing the moment Tim called to tell me of our future location. I'm dragging my heels with this one. And for good reason.

I thought I should write a few reasons why I've loved Milwaukee so much over the past year so I have something to read in a year from now. I love Milwaukee because of its emphasis on the family. Whenever Tim and I take drives around meal time, I see dozens of families congregated around their dining tables eating together. It is also common to see parents walking with their teenagers in the early evening. They aren't fixated on their cell phones; rather, they are talking to each other and engaging in real human interaction. It amazes me. Family is at the center of everything people do around here, and I love it. I want this atmosphere for my family.

I also love Milwaukee because I love how close we can get to nature. Every morning I wake up to the music of dozens of birds. I open my window and see squirrels, racoons and bunnies nearly every morning. I have seen deer cross my yard and caught a glimpse of a fox in the bushes on one of my runs. I know I will be surrounded by beauty in San Diego, but it will be a different kind of beauty.

I have to admit that I fear moving to San Diego because I fear I may love it there. Isn't that ridiculous? I felt the need to write that because I feel it may help explain some of the feelings I am currently experiencing.

As I consider all of our moves, I truly believe the lesson I am supposed to learn and relearn over and over again is that family is permanent. Housing, friends and jobs may change, but family always remains the same. I have been clinging to my kids about as much as they have been clinging to me. I am determined to be their best friend since it seems like so many of my friendships are transient these days.

Life lately has been moving and changing fast. My girls seem bent on growing up over night. Elle is so close to crawling that I feel baby proofing is coming. She is still so high maintenance and hates when I leave the room, but she is allowing me to get up and walk around without screaming every. single. time. Only 50% of the time. I took V for her well visit and her doctor asked me if I was sure she wasn't three. She speaks in full sentences and can hold decent conversations with people. She started talking to the doctor and he just had to laugh at everything she said. She wants so badly to be like Mya. She copies everything she does and says so sometimes the phrases she picks up are not what I would like, but at least she makes us all laugh. My favorite thing she says as she purses those lips she received from her daddy is "I no want to. I no like it." Oh what a stinker. And my Mya...oh Mya. She is becoming a big kid. I love to watch her make decisions. It's as if I can see the wheels churning away inside her growing brain. She is very smart. Almost too smart. And she uses it to her advantage. We are constantly adjusting to each other and learning how to give each other the proper room to fly.

I love my girls. I look at them and feel joy--the kind of joy I truly believe we are on earth to find. I love singing to them as I run my fingers through their hair before naps. I love cuddling with Mya before and after naps and bedtime. I love dancing and playing ring around the rosies with them 50 times a day. And I love the way Elle holds on for every inch of the ride. While her desire to be with me can be overwhelming at times, I can't help but look into her baby blues and feel a connection with her.

Life is sweet, even if I have to endure a sour spot.

She's getting so close to crawling.

No comments :

Post a Comment

"Be kind and considerate with your criticism... It's just as hard to write a bad book as it is to write a good book." Malcolm Cowley