dragging my heels

life is about to get real nuts over here. i'm starting to feel the anxiety seeping into my bones. anxiety that causes me to lie awake at night for hours and hours until the sun comes up and one of the girls pops her lovely, cheery head into my room. the extreme heat isn't helping. i'm sweating through my nightgowns at this point seeing as 85 degrees is completely unacceptable to sleep in.

i'm dragging my heels with you texas. for no reason in particular (well, perhaps a few hidden ones that i've tucked away in the corners of my heart). but texas...please be good to me....good to us. otherwise i may not leave california. or perhaps i'll hitchhike back to milwaukee--i do know a few good souls who would let us bunk with them for a night or two. ;) right cami, right? or jenny?

and while i am writing this bumbling post while tim slowly gets his lunch together (making lunches are the worst by the way), here are a few other tidbits on my mind.

-i'm missing my siblings as of late. it's been a week since i've talked to either of them, and well, that's basically a crime. dang jobs keeping us apart.
-magnum bars should not be consumed by normal humans. tim and i tried one tonight and boy were thy delicious, but they made my belly feel wrong in all kinds of ways. perhaps it was the 20+ grams of fat saying "hahahahaha...you fool."
-genevieve has been drawing the silliest happy faces as of late. she makes the round head, adds two dots for eyes, one straight line for a smile and lots of stringy hair flowing from the round ball. perhaps she looked in the mirror and thought why in the world isn't my hair growing?! and she's trying to mimic that.
-mya told me tonight that she believes in aliens. good little green ones that help people. i asked her if she sees them around and she replied, "duh mom, they're everywhere." maybe she knows something i don't.
-i am literally melting in my seat at the moment. leather couches plus 85 degree heat are not friends on any level. never. i'm going to have to change again before bed. in fact, perhaps i'll jump in the shower and jump into bed without drying off. i used to do that on the mission, and it was delightful. i'd just throw my dry pajamas over my wet body and let my hair fall where it could all over the pillow just to soak through the pillow case fabric so all throughout the night i could touch wet parts.
-tim is dashing in a backwards hat. he's had a rough go with this grouchy me as of late, but man...i can't help but admire him as he paces back and forth listing off the weather. men and the weather. i'll never understand it. too bad he'll get a punch to the stomach if he touches me because my body is not a wonderland at the moment. in fact, it's the opposite. and while i am at it, i just love when he throws his head back with a face of "uggghhhh!" it makes me and my many faces feel more human.
-and my dearest elle. tim and i won the worst parent award on monday when we decided to let her cry it out when she randomly cried around 7pm on sunday night (she never screams after we put her to bed). we figured we were being too loud so we quieted down and turned down the lights. she stopped screaming so we went on with life. well, monday morning i walked into her room only to find her leg stuck in the bars of the crib and a welt swelling on her thigh. i scooped her up with my head hung down in shame and hugged her until she forced me to put her down to watch mickey. mickey is her only comfort these days.

life is good around here. except the anxiety which is a b****. why sugarcoat it?

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"Be kind and considerate with your criticism... It's just as hard to write a bad book as it is to write a good book." Malcolm Cowley