on my mind.

Is it really only January 14th? It feels like 2014 came on with such force that it has already left me huge puzzle shattered into a hundred pieces just waiting for me to put it together. This year is going to be a big one. I can feel it. 

I've been so tired lately. Work has been crazy. It was getting a little easier there for a bit, allowing me to blog more frequently, but I guess my boss really likes my work so she is giving me harder pieces, which makes for longer hours at night. And if I work at night, I can't blog. Heaven knows I can't blog during the day. The few times I've tried, I always end up frustrated at the girls for not giving me enough "alone" time. Right...because an almost-three-year old girl understands that no, mom doesn't want to play make believe all the livelong day. And seeing as I'm trying to yell less, I don't think it would be wise to fill my day with distractions. 

Aside from work, I've had a lot going on personally. I feel like a rather complicated character right now. For the most part, I like who I am becoming, but there are still things lingering in the back of my mind that need some improvement. 

I've been thinking a lot about love. I am absolutely in love with my husband right now. I can't get enough of him (believe me...he doesn't mind). I even find myself daydreaming about him during the day. I haven't daydreamed in years. Why...why does he have to go to work everyday? And why can't we all just live off love? We'd be filthy rich. 

And as focused as I am on my relationship with Tim, I have noticed something extraordinary happening. My heart is finally letting go of specific feelings related to love that I've been trying to be free of for years. At the moment, I don't feel the need to articulate any further. Just know, it's been therapeutic. 

And on a very different note, here are some non-serious things I've been thinking about: 

• I've decided to let my girls continue to use sidewalk chalk. Screw the HOA. I'll gladly leave this place if they want to start a fight. I'm always looking for a good fight. 
• Over the weekend I ran eight miles in 1:00.29. It's my longest run in four years. I wanted to sit down and fall asleep in the sand after about ten minutes, but I kept going. I was keeping a decent pace until that last mile. That last mile took everything out of me. I ran around an island. A hot, sandy island. 
• Chocolate Special K is probably my favorite guilty pleasure at the moment. Yum. 
• V ditched her binkie the day after Christmas. I thought it was going to be terrible, and it was at first, but she doesn't even ask for it anymore. Only occasionally will she look at me and shout, "I still mad mom. I still little." 
• I yelled today. I broke down and just let out a good, frustrated grumble after attempting to soothe a very unreasonable five year old for 26 minutes right before we had to leave for school. Mya doesn't understand why she can't wear the same clothes every single day to school or why she doesn't have to wear her pea coat everyday. It was 70 degrees when I dropped her off this morning and she still insisted on wearing a pea coat?! Seriously. You have no idea.
• We are five episodes away from completing the Felicity series. I have no clue what we'll do when we don't have Felicity. I might just convince Tim to watch it again. Ben Covington has really grown on me. ;)
• Mya found a piece of lingerie hanging around the other day (remember my kids wake me up around 5:30am...how am I supposed to have everything neat and tidy already), and she was so confused about it. This was our exact conversation: "Mom, what is this really small dress?" "It's a nightgown." "Well, it's too small." "I know." "You should probably throw it out. It's not modest." "Um, I'll think about it honey." "I'll do it for you." (She attempts to throw it in the trash.) "Oh honey, some of mommy's things are special for daddy. I'm not going to throw it away." (I remove it from the trash.) "Mom wait, daddy wears night gowns?" Blew her mind completely. Hahaha. 
• A teacher at Mya's school hits on me at least three times a week. It's starting to get a bit uncomfortable because I never know what to do but smile and look away. 
• Elle Belle discovered puddles yesterday. My life of getting her away from school easily is forever over. 
• I think Blue just threw up in his crate. I better go get Tim because you and I both know I am not dealing with that.

Good night.